By Pressmin Spurious
Intergalactic Times staff reporter

Well my dear readers, things are getting ugly on the campaign front. Now there's all kinds of screaming going on over JJ's use of the N-word. I don't see what all the fuss is about. I speak of Nader, even in mixed company. It never seems to bother anyone much. Maybe I'm missing something, but I can't tell you what it is. Could it be Nader's planned increase of the minimum wage to $10 an hour? That would of course be a terrible thing! Working people would have more money to spend and they would go out and spend it. Then the economy would be stimulated and um, er I lost my train of thought...

Anyway, Nader has the unmitigated gall to insist on an end to the war. That would be a bad thing. If the war is ended then less people will die and the USA wouldn't be spending hundreds on billions of dollars killing people and blowing things up..............um, er

But anyway, Nader wants to put in place a single payer national health care plan. That would be bad. That would mean the EVERYONE would have health coverage and even poor people would be able to see a doctor, instead of dying on the waiting room floor like that poor woma in Brooklyn, ummmmmmmm

None of that came out right. Both mcCain and Obama are against everything Nader is for. Since McCain and Obama are from the two real parties, they must be right, so Nader is wrong. SO THERE!

Then there's this silly fight over offshore drilling. What's the big deal. People can have sex wherever they choose! There are bigger issues. The Bush administration has flip flipped twice on it's pledge to never negotiate with terrorists. Not only are they sending someone to talk with those Iran guys, they are going to have a poetry reading by the National Organization of Woman in the white house rose garden! Everyone knows that if you let those feminazis in the gate all kinds of things will go on. There will be bra burnings and birth control pill popping. SOMEONE MAY GO SO FAR AS TO INVITE THE DIXIE CHICKS! Next thing you know, there will be a vegan pot luck dinner in the grand ballroom and George W. Bush will be driving a foreign made hybrid automobile! This is too unrepublican for the countries own good!

I realize that chairman Boehner of the House Unrepublican Activities Committee has his head up his ass, but I must ask him to convene a special session in regards to all this unrepublican activity! If something isn’t done soon, THIS COULD BE THE YEAR THAT A CANDIDATE FROM OUTSIDE THE TWO PARTY SYSTEM GETS ELECTED PRESIDENT!

**********

Results from the first BCEW House event to be held at the newly christened BCEW Hall in Eagle Rock, Ohio.

Earl Fletcher will be the ring announcer for tonight’s BCEW Hall event.

Earl comes out and welcomes everyone to BCEW Hall. He then says, “ever been driving down the road in your car and pretended that you had a small laser mounted on the front of your car that shot birds out of the air and other animals along the side of the road?” He is met by a baffled silence. “Guess not. Let’s get to the action.”

Match #1- Little Paulie with Big Paulie of the American Bikers vs. “No Frills” Chris Escondido
Another classic match between long time adversaries. Back and forth for several minutes until the end. As usual, Little Paulie and Big Paulie start bickering and arguing about match strategy and the amount of time Little Paulie is taking to win the match. Escondido charges at Little Paulie. Little Paulie this time steps out of the way and Escondido blasts into Big Paulie. Big Paulie flies off the ring edge to the mat below. Little Paulie then rolls up Escondido from behind and gets the win.

Announcements & Shane “I’m So Damn Funny I Just Crack Up At My Own Jokes” Ghackerman
Earl Fletcher reads some announcements. Fletcher makes some oblique reference to Madonna and then follows up with this gem. “If I a-happen to walk by one of those collector’s items Dick Tracy action figures thingys- like Madonna as Breathless Mahoney- and just **happen** to peek under her dress, would that be a bad thing?” The sound of crickets chirping follow. “Right. Well, if you think that’s bad, here’s Shane ‘I’m So Damn Funny I Just Crack Up At My Own Jokes’ Ghackerman.”

Ghackerman starts off with: “You all hear the story about the guy who was attacked by a donkey? Yeah, the sheriff said it was the worse ASS-kicking he’d ever seen.” *rimshot* Groans. More groans.

“Okay,” he continues, “What did the lady say to the guy who kept showing up at her door with a stick of celery? Hey! Stop stalking me!” *rimshot* More groans. A couple titters. But mostly groans.

“Got another one. What do you go through when you give up eating celery? Deceleration.” *rimshot* More groans. A ‘you suck.’

Actually, lots of ‘you sucks.’

“Right. Just say no to snorting Coke. It’s not good for you and the carbonation burns the hell out of the inside of your nose.” *rimshot* “Get it? Coke? The pop? Inside your nose? BHWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-urk…

Thankfully, Fletcher yanks Ghackerman out of the ring before he starts a full fledged riot.

Snott Flemmstein and Annoying Cell Phone Guy enjoy dinner at one of the back tables of the BCEW Hall. Everything goes well until Cell Phone Guy starts to get calls on his cell phone. Flemmstein slowly gets pissed off as Cell Phone Guy spends the next few minutes gabbing away. Finally, Flemmstein has enough and leaps across the table. The cell phone flies out of Cell Phone Guy’s hand. The two roll around on the ground. A referee suddenly shows up and we’ve got ourselves an impromptu match.

Match #2- Snott Flemmstein vs. Annoying Cell Phone Guy
This was doesn’t make into the ring. A couple minutes of action before Flemmstein shoots out the ol’ green ‘snot’ from his prosthetically enhanced nose and coats Cell Phone Guy again. The referee quickly counts 1-2-3 and the match is Flemmsteins.

Earl Fletcher introduces the Black Swamp Pirates who come out and play their new country song American Elitist.

“Hey Green Day,” said the band’s lead singer Junior Jackson, hoisting his middle finger high in the air, “I’ve got your #$#$ing redneck agenda right here!” The band starts to play…

Match #3- The Raving Rednecks Locke and Loade vs. The Dixie Chucks Chuck-artie and Chuck-mily
The match of the night. Lots of false finishes. Locke and Loade went for the Redneck 4-D Death Blast but Chuck-mily countered with a drop kick and Chuck-artie clobbered Locke from behind.. Locke somehow makes it to the rope. At one point Chuck-artie hits 5 German suplexes in a row. Eventually Chuck-mily was placed in the Redneck 4-D Death Blast and taken out of commission. Then both Locke and Loade attack Chuck-artie and end up laying him out. 1-2-3. Winner-Locke and Loade.

BCEW Romey: “All right, I guess you’ve all heard by now that Mike Love of the Beach Boys filed suit against Brian Wilson for among other things, “misappropriating the trademark of the Beach Boys. Save it clones, I know what you’re going to say. “He’s been doing that for the past 10 years.” I get that. I get the fact that many of you consider him to be an attention starved, sue-happy crybaby. I get that. I get the fact that many of you are bent over how Mike turned the Beach Boys induction into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame into a night that will live in rock infamy. I get that, too.

“But what caught my attention was the phrase “the misappropriation of Mike Love’s songs.” Oh? What the hell is that? Did Brian misappropriate “Sumahama?” “Summer of Love?” Freakin’ “Kokomo?” No? Oh I get it. Lest we all forget that Mike Love is the guy who was inducted into the Songwriter’s Hall of Fame- no wait, that was Brian Wilson. We all know that Mike Love is the one who won a Grammy for his solo album- wait, that was Brian Wilson too. And of course, how could we forget the tribute show to Mike Love a few years ago- oh wait, that was Brian freakin’ Wilson.

Hey Wall Street Journal, you won’t defeat us

“We’re going to do it for World Peace and Love and Harmony. By insulting the Beatles, the Rolling Stones, Bruce Springsteen. Yeah Mike. That was a proud moment for the group. You, at the dais, calling out rock stars all in the name of World Peace, Love, and Harmony. I don’t know Mike. Perhaps the reason that Mick Jagger or Bruce Springsteen or Billy Joel won’t play with you is because they think that you’re the biggest jerk in rock music. Maybe you should, oh I don’t know, SUE them too for not wanting to share the same stage with you. That rant pretty much sums up the bug up Mike’s AAAHHH-SS over his perception that he’s not and never has been given his due. And that’s the real reason Mike Love is so bent, so bitter. The fact is that Brian Wilson gets more attention out of playing a handful of shows a year than he does playing hundreds of shows. Mike is bent because Brian Wilson releases three, count em, THREE solo CD’s over the past two years and he can’t get his own solo CD out. Mike is bitter because Brian Wilson is considered to be one of the most influential and pivotal figures in rock history while he’ll be known for being a cranky old, litigation-happy man who prances around the stage, walks like grandma while singing The Little Old Lady From Pasadena, and tells the same, corny, cheesy jokes at every show. It’s not bad enough that the Lovester tried to rewrite Beach Boys history in that ABC movie, he’s now trying to rewrite the history of Smile- “the misappropriation of Mike Love’s songs??” Give me a freakin’ break!

“Here’s what really pisses Mike off- Brian Wilson has SCOREBOARD over Mike Love and he always will.

“As always, I’ve got your emails here on the subject.

“I feel bad for Mike Love and the respect and stature he craves in the rock world. In fact, I feel so bad that I think we should organize a benefit concert for him. Let’s call it ‘Rock Against Mike Love.’ They’ll be a giant picture of Mike with a red circle and slash through it at the top of the stage. We’ll bring in celebrities who will do testimonials and ask for monetary donations. I figure we can raise enough money to send Mike to his own personal Elba somewhere out in the middle of the ocean out in the middle of nowhere where we won’t have to watch him prance across the stage, pretend he’s a grandma, or listen to some cheesy jokes from his piehole ever again. And maybe, just maybe, there he’ll finally get the respect and stature he deserves.”

At that moment, a guy wearing a hawaiian shirt and a ball cap jumps into the ring. “Who the hell are you?” BCEW Romey asks. “I’m Beach Guy Mike Louvre. I will not stand for any more slander against the heart, the soul, the true creative genius of the Beach Boys- Mike Love.” The crowd starts to boo. “Oh you know it,” Louvre continues, “Mike Love is the Beach Boys! He’s the voice of the Beach Boys and been touring for decades as the front man of America's band. Mike Love kept the band alive while that no talent Brian Wilson stayed in bed. He’s on all of the band's hits and without Mike Love there would be no Beach Boys at all.” More boos. “So all you Brian Wilson apologists can just-” Suddenly, a commotion erupts and Buckland County Police Chief Nick Shavings, a fervently passionate Beach Boy and Brian Wilson fan, jumps into the ring and tasers Beach Guy Mike Louvre. The crowd gives him a standing ovation.

Then BCEW Romey aka Bubba Jackson sets up a table in the middle of the ring and both he and Chief Shavings powerbomb Louvre through the table.

And to add insult to injury, Louvre gets shot in the ass by Ol’ Man Hanson.

Next, BCEW Women’s Champion Candiloosa Ricearoni comes out and wishes everyone a happy Thanksgiving. Then she apologizes for not defending the BCEW Women’s Belt because “there’s no one worthy to wrestle me for it.” Ricearoni then mentions “The Domestic Diva” Martha Stewart who’s “still under house arrest and can’t be here.”

Suddenly, “The Domestic Diva” Martha Stewart, long itching to get her shot at the Women’s champion, rushes down the aisle with Billionaire Don Trump and a deputy sheriff. Stuart holds up a piece of paper with the order that released her from home detention. “Unlock the ankle bracelet!” she commands the deputy, “UNLOCK THE @#@#@$$ ANKLE BRACELET!” The deputy reads it and then unlocks the bracelet. We’ve got a match…

Match #4- BCEW Women’s Champion Candiloosa Ricearoni vs. “The Domestic Diva” Martha Stewart with Billionaire Don Trump
Stuart looked off and very rusty here compared to her usual robust self. Most of this match was a brawl around the building. Ricearoni, irate over the challenge and not expecting a strong effort from Stewart, attacked her with a steel-folding chair and then got ready to pin her. Billionaire Bob Trump came out for the save (and got a big pop). He clubbed Ricearoniaroni with his gold-plated briefcase. Stewart went to cover but then inexplicatively he also turned on Stewart and whacked her in the back with his briefcase. Then he stood over her and said, “YOU’RE FIRED!” and walked out of the ring.

Stewart, furious at Trump’s turn, is the first one up. “You can fire me!” she yells at Trump, “You can cancel my show. But I WILL be the next BCEW Women’s Champion and no one can keep me from my title.”

“That’s what you think,” Ricearoni says from behind. She rolls up Stewart and gets the pinfall to hold on to the title.

******

Actor/Leftist ROBERT REDFORD announced to a bunch of Irish students that we could "kiss the Democratic party good-bye" if BARACK OBAMA loses at the US election in November.

Where to begin?

I guess we on the right must continue the important uphill battle to make JOHN McCAIN the next President of these United States.  

Thanks for the advice, hippie.

-JH

One of the songs that's been in my head the last few days is Landslide - written by Stevie Nicks and originally recorded by Fleetwood Mac in 1975.

I really like the original version, but I have to say that the covers have been pretty stinkin' good. I recently heard the Smashing Pumpkins version which I thought fit Billy Corgan's voice pretty well.

What got me thinking about the song though, is the Dixie Chicks' version from a few years ago. I heard it again somewhere this weekend.

Now just for the record, I can't stand the Dixie Chicks and I seriously dislike country music. But I do think that their cover is better than the original.

And it got me thinking. I think that this song might work well if you sped it up a bit and turned it into a rock song. Use an electric guitar to drive the rhythm instead of the finger-picked acoustic. And I think I know just the person to rock the vocals.

So I'm thinking about messing around it with it and see what happens. It also occurred to me that it might work as a bluegrass song, but I'm going to stick with rock for now.

What do you think?

I slept in until 11:00 a.m., which was glorious.  It wasn't a late night out, but I was tired, nonetheless.  I got up, sliced a ripe, white nectarine and toasted a gluten-free bagel and spread it with whipped cream cheese.  I poured a glass of lite orange juice and sat down to load photos from dinner last night.

Meantime, I turned on the tele and Masterpiece Theater was on OPB.  Fitting, on Independence Day, it was a very engaging story about Jane Austen - called Miss Austen Regrets.

Before there was Carrie Bradshaw, a single thirty-something ingenue writer contemplating love in New York City and romantically entangled with her lofty Mr. Big in Sex & The City, there was Jane Austen a single authoress who was considered an expert in the matters of love, but foiled falling into a match, herself, never finding or marrying her very own Mr. Darcy.

In Miss Austen Regrets, Jane is approaching her fortieth birthday and while she seems happily unmarried, she is asked by her twenty year old neice, Fanny, to counsel her on her potential suitors, which forces Jane to contemplate the choices she has made.

Funny, since I was a girl, I loved no writer like Jane Austen, save for Louisa May Alcott, specifically for her family classic Little Women.  There's no character I have related to quite like Little Women's Jo March.  I have often felt like I am living the similar life of such a character, living this drawn out single life, contemplating love, fearing the misfortune of landing in the wrong place of love, and wondering if true love really exists, waiting out, ever hopeful, for my own Professor Friedrich Bhaer, all the while wanting to be independent, free and able to write the stories in my heart and mind that should unravel into books that reflect my heart and soul - about family, sisters, mothers and even love.

This movie about Jane Austen takes a closer look at the brilliant mind that wrote the classic, timeless stories about love, freedom and duty in Pride & Prejudice, Mansfield Park, Sense & Sensibility, Emma, and so on.  It's an interesting take on the single woman who does her best to defend, whether to herself or others, her decision to maintain maidenhood.  And, being in a similar state, I found the movie to be heartbreaking.

But, as I finished the movie, I thought about the old fashioned ways of love.  And how it might apply today.  Sadly, there are so few moments for the romance of former eras where love was, well, still romantic.  This made me a little sad.

After the movie, I went to the gym for a 30 minute run.  I was in a bit of a rush to get ready for the Rodeo.  The important question - summer dress or blue jeans?  The last two times I went to the St. Paul Rodeo I was sweating like crazy.  Summer dress.  I put on my cowgirl boots, cowgirl hat and some western jewelry.

I met Susan at the Whole Foods in Bridgeport.   We drove down to her mother and step dad's compound in St. Paul for a barbecue.  We brought strawberry shortcake for dessert. 

It was a lovely dinner.  We had chicken, a tex-mex rice with blackbeans and peppers, a fresh green salad and I brought my gluten-free biscuits.   After dinner and dessert, we walked over to the rodeo.   It was an exciting start.  The rodeo court rode into the ring, wearing shiny cowgirl gear and tiaras on their cowgirl hats.  If I had grown up in Oregon, I would have been on a rodeo court!  Susan, Kerry and I decided we were going to be rodeo court girls for Halloween.

The Star Spangled Banner was gloriously sung while a cowboy rode the rink with an American flag.  It just doesn't get more American than attending a rodeo on the Fourth!

The St. Paul Rodeo is one of the top 20 rodeos (per size of purse and it's significance for qualifying for nationals in Las Vegas), out of over 700 rodeos in the USA.  It's a very exciting show of cowboy skills - bull riding, saddle bronc, team roping, bareback riding, steer wrestling, tie-down roping, and barrel racing (the only girls event). 

Just before the program ended, we headed toward the Tack Room, a western bar set up within the arena.  We got in, used free drink chips we got from Susan's step-brother, and took in the beauty of the masculine, brawny, western-belt-buckle-cladded, spur-boot footed, tight jean wearin' cowboys!  I now know why the Dixie Chicks sang Cowboy Take Me Away, and why Paula Cole pondered Where Have All the Cowboys Gone? and what stirred Pam Houston to write Cowboys Are My Weakness.

Suddenly we heard fireworks.  At first notice, it could have been from the excitement of being in a room full of beautiful cowboys.  But then everyone was dashing outside and reality set in.  We hid our drinks behind a barrel within the saloon and joined the crowds outside to watch the colorful spectacle in the warm Oregon sky.  It was magnificent!

After the grand finale of glittering blasts sprouting one-by-one in the sky like a summer garden, the sparks subsided, the smell of smoke wafted and people either left the rodeo grounds or returned to the Tack Room.  We said good-bye to Susan's parents and their guests, and returned to the fine sport of cowboy gawking.

I sware.  Jeans never looked so good.  Every turn and there was one good looking cowboy after the next.  These were real cowboys.  From all over the wild west.  And we were smitten.  We just kept gazing from one direction to the next.  We were like a trio of adolescent boys oogling at one fine bronco-bucking butt after the next.  In some ways we were mixed in a kind of role reversal as we looked at these fine specimens of grit and perfection.  And, just in time to bring me back down to earth, back to being a woman again, a young cowboy grabbed my hand for a dance. 

He was very young.  Probably twenty-one or twenty-two.  Still, my heart fluttered, my palms were a little sweaty.  He turned me then took his hat off and when he'd spin me, he'd give me a pat on my bum with his hat as he twirled me again and again.  It was intoxicating.  He kept spinning me and playfully tapping his hat to my bum with each turn.  People were all around us, stomping and clapping along.  We were the only couple dancing.  I could hear cheers as he'd turn me then playfully tap my skirted bum.  I was blushing. 

There's something about a real cowboy playfully flirting with a girl on a western dancefloor.  And there I was, this typical feminist-tomboy, and I never felt so girlie!  He kept dipping me and spinning me and when it was all done, I was all a-flutter.  I gasped and thanked him for the dance, blushing like a school girl.  I am rarely one without words, but I was more or less speachless.

I know why Pam Houston wrote Cowboys Are My Weakness.  In the every day hum-drum of our modern world, there are few moments when we, as women, get to really feel like women.  There's something about the old fashioned ways of cowboys that still evokes that romance between the sexes, that genteel manner of persuasion, the boot-scootin' dancing that serves as a prelude to nothing, really.  Which was so nice, so refreshing.  I could dance with a cowboy over and over again and be content with the innocence of it, the flushed cheeks, the pitter-patters in my heart, and the joy of a simple dance that evoked in me a feeling that a cowboy was really taking me away.  And it never felt so wonderful to be a girl from Virginia in her frilly sundress, cowgirl hat and boots.

In honor of this 4^th of July, I'd like to take some time to share with my fellow Americans and the rest of the world some ideas, advice and lessons learned from the experience of the US. It's a little past July 5^th, but maybe we can extend the celebrations for a few hours as we are all neverending, unceasing activists bristling to save our country, right?

Many of the things I am saying could well be good advice for the rest of the world, as well, while some of them are more specific to the US. Well here goes:

Find Out What the Foreign Policy Elite Are Doing On Your Behalf, and Do Something About It

It seems to me that the foreign policy elite in Washington are doing all kinds of things in just about every country in the world, and much of the US population has no idea about it. I still remember, after September 11^th, there was a popular song called "Where were you when the world stopped turning?". One of the lines to this song was "I don't know the difference between Iraq and Iran". Please! If you don't know the difference between Iraq and Iran, at least don't celebrate it in a song. Better yet, find out.

While many US citizens know little about what the US government is up to in the far flung corners of the world, many of the world's citizens know a lot about what the US is doing, because it affects them so much. After all, the US has been a big player on the world stage since the end of World War II, so the US has been the one to watch.

And actually, all this stuff Kissinger & Co. have been up to is quite interesting. In fact, I'd say it's better than football. And more important than football, because it actually involves people's lives.

A few interesting ones you might like to know about:

US allegedly involved in the overthrow of democratically elected socialist President in Chile, who is replaced by "el dictator" Pinochet, major human rights abuser

US supports Indonesia in the invasion of East Timor

US supports Mobutu of Zaire, one of the most corrupt dictators in African history

US allegedly involved in overthrow of Mossadeq in Iran, when he wants to nationalize oil

US secretly funds the Mujahadeen in Afghanistan in opposition to Soviet occupation, promoting the organization that would later become Al Qaeda

Saddam Hussein was the buddy of the US when Iraq was at war with Iran

CIA involved in covert operations in Tibet after the Chinese Communist victory

The Iran Contra scandal

CIA allegedly involved in overthrow of King Sihanouk in Cambodia, paving the way for Khmer Rouge victory

CIA operation to overthrow democratically elected President Arbenz in Guatemala

I'm sure there are many more interesting stories that you could tell your grandkids while they sit on your knee one day. But I'll have to get back to the books to learn about them myself.

Watch Your Diet

In the US, we have all sorts of good healthcare (although its quite expensive), and many good safety laws, but the health of our people is held back by, among other things, obesity. The US has a reputation for this. According to the vegetarian promoters, the average American eats twice as much protein as they really need. So we can probably do with a few less of those hamburgers.

I often have debates with my friends about which foods exactly are the most fattening, but I'll leave you to figure that out. Why not try a vegetarian diet? I have long suspected that a vegetarian diet would help people to lose weight, since it is a diet high in fiber, and can (although not necessarily) be lower in protein. Not only that, but when your family takes you to a restaurant where there's no vegetarian food, you'll have nothing to eat! : )

But actually, I would like to say, this is one conception of Americans that is held by foreigners that is sometimes inaccurate. I often try to tell people that, even though many Americans have to watch their weight, many others are extremely health conscious, eat organic food, etc. That's definitely a positive trend where the US has an edge on many other countries in the world.

Work Hard, Work Smart

As a youngster, I learned that at one stage in US history, there was a great work ethic in the US, which was personified in the Horatio Alger story. Alger was the model of the hardworking American.

While I think that US citizens are still quite hardworking, it seems that we have lost this ethic to a certain extent. Especially in times of difficulty, such as the current economic crisis, I think applying oneself with even more dedication and fervor can and will ultimately pay off and help us to come out of the crisis stronger.

It need not only be paid work, but can also be volunteer work, or work that informs citizen activism. For example, at this time, it would be great if every US citizen were involved in a search to find out: "How did we get into this mess? And how can we get out of it?" This attitude and approach I think can ultimately help us to resolve our difficulties and get back on a good path to prosperity.

At the same time, we should also be aware of the maxim "work smart, not hard". I'd like to rephrase that to "work smart, AND work hard". This means that ultimately we must be asking ourselves- Is the work I am doing really accomplishing anything for me and the others in the world, my country, and my life? We should be thinking critically about what we are doing rather than just blindly working away.

For example, if we are stuck in a low end job, maybe we should think about getting more education, so we can find a better job. Or even if we are stuck in a low end job, we can still think actively about how we can do a better job, or about how this whole operation could be run more effectively. I have a great deal of faith in human ability and creativity, if only we would apply it. And I think even among those who are less educated and stuck in low skill jobs, that they have the creativity to come up with innovations which could be useful.

Reform the Political System

What I have noticed about many US citizens is that they may be engaged in the political process, but some do not actually even question the way it is conducted, or whether it needs to be changed. They keep arguing for McCain, or for Obama, for this candidate or for that candidate, without looking at whether this system is really the best one, or whether it needs to be changed to accomplish what we are really interested in.

Some issues that I think need to be addressed:

-The electoral college needs to be abolished

-More key legislation should be put up for referendum:

In the US now, we have the right to vote for one of the two main party candidates (we could vote for a third party but that would rarely have any effect). But after they are elected, we really do not have much control over what they do. How many US citizens, if really given a chance to make an informed, unmanipulated vote, would have voted in favor of the Patriot Act? Doesn't the Patriot Act go against the very grain of what the US is supposed to stand for?

So, what I am proposing is that some key, controversial legislation should be put up for a national referendum. And I think it should be made easy for US citizens to demand that certain things be put up for a referendum.

-Third parties should be promoted: Although, unlike others, I don't think that the Democratic and Republican parties are identical, I also think that the public debate in the US would be greatly improved if other political parties were able to convey their ideas to the public.

There seem to be at least two problems which cause the absence of third parties in the US:

1. Many people are afraid to vote for third party candidates because they are afraid it will lead to the victory of a party they don't like. For example, many of the liberal persuasion hesitate to vote for the Green Party for fear that we would get another Democrat in office.
As I noted in a previous post, this could be solved in a run-off system for President, where if none of the candidates got more than 50% of the vote, it would have to go to a run-off vote between the two highest candidates.

2. Proportional representation: Many democracies around the world use a proportional representation system, where the number of seats in the legislature is not determined by whether their candidate wins in a particular geographic locale, but rather by their percentage in the overall national vote. So for example, if a party gets 5 percent of the vote, they get 5 percent of the seats in the legislature.

The value of this is that third parties may have difficulty winning any seats in the current US system, because they cannot get more than any other party in any particular geographic locale. The Green Party, for example, has had very few officials represented in the various political bodies around the country. But if we had a proportional representation system, they or another party would have at least a few seats in Congress, and could add to the diversity of debates and perspectives there.

Germany has a complicated political system which combines proportional representation with the "first past the post system" used in the US. It might be something worth checking out.

There are also weaknesses to the proportional representation system, which I will not discuss now. But my point is that we should study comparative politics to consider which system, or what attributes of a system perform the key objectives of democracy: 1) to perform the will of the people, and 2) to identify and implement creative solutions the problems and issues the nation is facing.

-Check out the electronic voting system: I haven't had time to research this very well myself, but it seems there are some concerns here that the use of electronic voting machines, provided by a company close to- you guessed it- George Bush! could corrupt the entire voting process. It seems to me that it would be a good idea to have a paper ballot backup, printed by the voting machine, which the voter could check after voting to make sure their vote was correctly recorded. And in the event of doubts or the need for a recount, those paper ballots (more like a receipt) would still be there.

Stop Silencing Dissidents and People with Different Points of View

One of the most disturbing things that happened in the US in the post 9-11 atmosphere, is that people seem to have felt like they could not speak out and resist the Bush government policies, because the prevailing tide around them was intolerant. I think at all times, those who speak out and disagree, as long as they do so in an acceptable and constructive way, should be tolerated and allowed. After all, they may be saying something that we should be listening to.

Remember when the Dixie Chicks were banned from the air by Clear Channel (Bush & Co. No 35)?

Did you ever hear of the guy who was arrested for wearing a T Shirt that said "Give Peace a Chance" at the local mall?

I remember receiving one of these "pop e mails" or chain e mails from someone in the US around 2003 or 2004, which said, about dissidents- "just sit down and shut up!". In my view, this is exactly the opposite of what the US, with its emphasis on freedom of speech, is supposed to stand for.

Gangs

It seems to me that the US has one of the worst gang problems in the world. I don't know how to solve this problem, but I think its something that we really have to work on. Whole parts of our major cities have become places where few would want to live if they had a choice, because it's a bit scary.

Sadly, the US seems to have exported this problem to Central American countries, when immigrants who had been living on the west coast returned to their home countries. Even worse, when they returned home, they had access to weapons left over from the civil wars in those countries, making the gangs even deadlier.

Guns?

I'm certainly not an expert on this issue, but I really question why US citizens need to have so many guns. The proponents of guns seem to have two main reasons why they think they are necessary:

1. They need guns in order to protect themselves against aggressors and criminals. I feel that people who feel this way are a bit paranoid and living in fear. And in fact, it could be easily argued that the prevalence of guns in the US is what makes violent crime so likely and indeed possible. I can only say that I lived in the US for many years, and never once was I in any danger by someone wielding a gun. My parents used to leave their door unlocked and we were never burgled. I lived in several dangerous places, particularly the Cincinnati neighborhood of Over the Rhine, and I was never the victim of any aggression. In one case I was robbed in Chicago, not by someone with a gun, but with a knife. Other than that I have never been the victim of violent crime, never needed a gun, etc. So I think this claim of the need for a gun is a bit overblown.
2. The original reason that the "right to bear arms" was contained in the Bill of Rights in the first place, was apparently to prevent the state from disarming people in case of the abuse of state power. As I recall, the British under colonial rule disarmed Americans which prevented them from resisting the colonial authorities.

The question is, do Americans still need to own guns in order to resist state infringement on their rights? Some of it depends on your perception of how likely it is that the state would infringe on your rights in such a way. There is a certain undercurrent of opinion, held by a minority of people, who feel that the US, and indeed other countries as well, are headed for martial law, or some kind of overbearing state control which would impinge on the freedoms that US citizens feel belong to them. While I cannot say that this is impossible, I'm not sure how likely it is, or whether armed resistance would be the way to resist such a condition. In any case, if this is indeed the reason that US citizens feel that they need to bear arms, then the arms really need only be kept in the storage, in the rare event that they are needed. They certainly don't need to be carried on one's person, or kept in the drawer next to the bedside!

Demand that the Government Give Back Our Privacy and Our Rights

The Patriot Act keeps getting extended, the NSA is reading your e mails and listening to your phone, they're seizing your laptop when you return to the US from overseas, they're searching your home and your car without a warrant. When you get on the plane you have to go through a humiliating security check, and if you don't like it you could be in violation of a law against harassing the security staff. They've got 500,000 people on an FBI "people of interest list".

I mean, when is this going to stop? Is this the Soviet Union?

I, for one, would rather have the small risk of death by a terrorist attack than be under perpetual surveillance.

What ever happened to "Give me liberty or give me death?"

Get Out of the US Every Now and Then

"Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness." Mark Twain

I've often said that Americans need to be more aware of how the policies of their government affect other countries and people around the world. Travelling is a good way to do this because you can often find out how other people see the US. It's also pretty exciting and fun. And it will surprise all those Europeans who like to gloat about how few Americans have passports!

Travel to developing countries can often be a big eye opener for people who have never been out of the first world. In fact, Mexico is not too far away, that would be a good choice for those people who are considering it (although, in my opinion it's really not that poor of a country compared to many.) Given how important Mexico is to the US, as one of our partner countries in NAFTA, the source of all those immigrants, and supposedly future part of the North American Union, why not go and see for yourself?

But don't forget to get out of your 5 star hotel and off that beautiful beach! Talk to some local people and visit their house! And don't be the ugly American... Wear something suave so they'll have no idea where you are from and might even mistake you for being French. Put on a good fake accent!

Take a vacation from Bushland!

I'd like to recommend a blog post by someone who brings the loss of freedom home in a slightly exaggerated way. I don't agree with everything he says, but then I never agree with everything anyone says:

For My Friends in the USofA

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Artist: Dixie Chicks
Album: Top Of The World Tour: Live (CD 1)

Tracklist :

• Goodbye Earl
• Some Days You Gotta Dance
• There's Your Trouble
• Long Time Gone
• Tortured, Tangled Hearts
• Travelin' Soldier
• Am I The Only One (Who's Ever Felt This Way)
• Hello Mr. Heartache
• Cold Day In July
• White Trash Wedding
• Lil' Jack Slade

The new disc marks something of a departure. Don has been playing live with Jamie Hoover and Jim Brock for a good 20 years, but they've never recorded a full disc together as a band. Now, though, they have a name (Don Dixon & the Jump Rabbits) and an outstanding power trio record that does credit to the careers of all three men.

For this edition of TunesDay Dixon agreed to sit down and endure a second interview with me (the first, from 2000, is an absolute must-read if you haven't seen it already). In this round Don talks about the band, the new record, his first bass, and how he almost wound up as producer of Nevermind.

To honor both his landmark career and his boundless patience, S&R is proud to name him our latest Scrogue. We hope you'll enjoy his smiling face in our masthead for the next few weeks.

Also, since you can't really get the sound from reading an interview, you can sample The Nu-Look and download what you like at eMusic.

Dixon: I discovered Hendrix and Cream about the same time. Disraeli Gears and Are You Experienced? were both on the turntable a lot…I felt like what I wanted to do with The Nu-Look was more like the Cream side of things than Hendrix We're a more balanced ensemble. So when asked for comparisons early on, I blurted out Disreali Gears as an example of a power trio that I had admired in my youth and it stuck.

DrSlammy: Over half the songs on the new disc are covers, and there's a real homegrown flavor to these tunes. Matt Barrett, the dBs and Parthenon Huxley are all from North Carolina, while Chris Allen is from Cleveland, not far from where you live now, I believe. And Marti Jones isn't just close to home, she's in the home, as it were. These are all great songs, but was there a reason you opted for tunes that are so nearby geographically?

Dixon: There wasn’t a geographical component, simply one of familiarity. I wanted to record naïve songs...youthful songs...songs with terrific melody and clear, simple messages. I didn’t feel capable of writing these songs myself - I was too old, too world weary - without doing anything like research. So I sat down and thought of songs that I liked that fit the mold I was looking for...not a mold of tempo and content but one of feel and freshness. These were the songs that I thought of. The short note on the cover of the CD also explains a little of my thinking at the time...

DrSlammy: Where did the name – The Jump Rabbits – come from?

Dixon: Jamie came up with it, inspired by track 18 of (If) I’m a Ham, Well You’re a Sausage.

DrSlammy: "The Night That Otis Died," which I've said I think may be the most perfect song you've ever written, is finally on a CD. Can you tell us how that song got written? It seems like there's maybe a hell of a real-life story in there.

Dixon: My life is unimaginably boring. Think about it, all I’ve ever done is make up songs and sing them. I write largely about what I’m thinking about or wishing life was like or dreams or things that might happen to interesting people. I usually claw away at the corners of the psyche where self-doubt and failure live and try to make light of it somehow. But I will admit to drawing on memories of my youth when I would sing covers...sometimes at semi-reputable establishments like Club 9, Club Adora or The Hut. I can see the car, the club, the suit clearly in my head. However, this narrator is fictional...he’s more sophisticated than me, more suave. The only thing we really have in common is a love for the Big O...

DrSlammy: I know you had some legal issues with licensing on "Otis," and am wondering how you were able to get all that ironed out.

Dixon: I decided to let them sue me.

DrSlammy: When I last saw you live you took requests from the audience and I asked for "The Night That Otis Died." Which you tried and had to abandon because you hadn't played it in so long you'd forgotten how it went. This seems funny to most folks, I'm sure, but the truth is that you've written and learned and performed so many songs through the years that there's almost no way to remember them all. How many songs have you written and covered, do you think, and if I put a gun to your head right now, how many of them could perform more or less completely?

Dixon: My catalogue of published songs is around 200. I’ve learned a lot of covers, mostly in my youth, and couldn’t begin to give a number...how many songs I can play without notes of some kind (and which ones they are) varies depending on what I’m doing musically at any given period of time. I could get through 50-60 originals pretty easily right now because I’ve played a lot of solo shows since Combustible World. I’ve been doing “Otis” a bunch since you asked for it and would be delighted to do it for you right now! [ed. note: Delighted enough to book show or two out here in Colorado where I live right now?]

DrSlammy: A couple years back I had a little fun putting together my own fantasy tribute to you, which was to be entitled Paying Manti$: A Superstar Tribute to Jangle Pop Legend Don Dixon. Some of the tracks were things I really think would be cool, like Dixie Chicks doing "I Can Hear the River" and a Sarah McLachlan/Paul Carrack duet on "What You Saw." Other tracks, like Justin Timberlake covering "Most of the Girls Like to Dance" and Madonna, Britney and Christina Aguilera doing "Betty Lou Got a Tattoo Too" were pure silliness. But say we really were going to do a tribute CD to Don Dixon. If you could have any artists you wanted on it, who would you have doing what songs?

Dixon: To give you a true opinion on this would take me weeks so instead I’ll simply list a few singers that are still alive (all of my heroes are dead) who I admire. Although I admire many of these as writers too, remember I’m thinking about their voices right now. No particular order: Elvis Costello, Adam Durwitz, Jane Siberry, Syd Straw, Dave Matheson (Moxy Fruvous), Chris Allen, Butterfly Boucher, Imogen Heap, Paul Carrack, Robert Kirkland (Arrogance), Bjork, Diana Krall, Michael Stipe, Bonnie Raitt, Chris Isaak, Sloan Wainwright, Nick Lowe, Macy Gray, and Loudon Wainwright III.

DrSlammy: You've been playing with Jamie Hoover for a long time and obviously the two of you work very well together. As serious aficionados know, he's also the front man for The Spongetones, a band that's earned some notoriety of its own. Can you tell us what the dynamic is like when you have two creative leader types collaborating in a band where you're clearly the star of the show?

Dixon: Hoover and Brock have both been working with me in various combinations for a long time. We all have many projects going on and they know they can count on me. They know it’s a collaborative effort when we play and they also know that I will help them with their projects, usually behind the scenes - or at least I'll stay out of the way. We play together because we like what happens on stage...it’s really that simple. I’m very lucky and I know it...

DrSlammy: In 2003 you did a turn as an actor in Camp. Any chance you'll be back on the silver screen anytime soon?

Dixon: Getting work as an actor requires a commitment that I’m not willing to make. You have to “network” and “audition.” If someone calls me again like they did for Camp and says, “You want to be in a movie?” I’ll probably say OK.

DrSlammy: And now, the obligatory "what have you been listening to lately?" question.

Dixon: Yesterday while driving for a few hours: McLemore Avenue – Booker T and the MGs; My Tidy Doily Dream – Marti Jones; The Surface and the Shine – Shalini; Don’t Tell Columbus – Graham Parker; Greatest Hits – Brasil ’66; Something Else – Cannonball Adderly; Live (1966) – Lou Rawls; and a bootleg of the Steve Winwood-Eric Clapton show in NYC in February...

DrSlammy: What's the last CD you bought that might really surprise us?

Dixon: I don’t think I could surprise you but most people wouldn’t associate me with serious 20th Century composers so Donald Erb’s Five Red Hot Duets for Two Contrabassoons might not be expected.

DrSlammy: We know that kids are influenced by their parents' music. But sometimes the kids bring home things that mom and dad like, too. You're a parent. Have the nippers discovered something that you now really like?

Dixon: Each of my three girls, Bonnie (now 31), Sidney (22), and Shane (16) have all brought terrific music to my attention...almost too much to note...

DrSlammy: The last time I interviewed you I asked about your favorite instrument to play, and you were emphatic that you are a bass player. Tell us about buying your first bass.

Dixon: I was in a hurry so I saved my money and bought the cheapest bass I could find...$79.95...a Silvertone from the Sears catalogue. I had to order it. I still remember exactly what the case smelled like when I opened it up for the first time...it was a great bass but what did I know? I sold it. 15 years ago I paid $500 for a vintage one just like it. My first amp was also a classic that I didn’t appreciate at the time...a Supro Thunderbolt...highly collectible now...

DrSlammy: Radiohead, Big Head Todd and Nine Inch Nails have all recently released new CDs free on their Web sites, and everywhere we turn we see artists and independent labels trying to innovate new ways of making the Internet world work to their advantage. Meanwhile, the major labels, which have resolutely refused to acknowledge that the world has changed, carry on like everybody with a broadband connection is trying to steal their babies. I'm sure you have thoughts here. So, this Internets thing: best thing since sliced bread or the end of music as we know it?

Dixon: Music shall not end...music is life...the Internet is a wonderful thing that should not be taken for granted because people are working hard right now trying to figure out how to take it away from you. Delivery via download is the wave of the future no matter what anyone says...them’s is just the facts. Figuring out how to make a living, pay for recording costs and keep quality high is the problem. Writing a good song is a problem. Right now there's a glut of stuff out there...too much to get through.

I had an epiphany the other day...there isn't any bad music, only music that any given individual likes or doesn’t like. And there are only two types of music. All the genre stuff is crap...it’s subjective...objectively there is only music with words and music without words.

DrSlammy: Your Wikipedia entry says that Nirvana’s label wanted you to produce Nevermind instead of Butch Vig, but that your agent was asking for too much money. Feel free to amend this account as you like, but: how would that CD have been different had you been at the helm? And how do you think your life today would be different had you wound up with the gig?

Dixon: I’m going to tell you what I remember and what I believe...

I received a message from Gary Gersh asking me if I was interested in working with this band he had just signed. I played the cassette he sent in, heard “Lithium” and immediately called back to say, “Hell yeah.” Shortly I was on a plane to Seattle. Gary picked me up at the airport and we drove to Tacoma to hear the band in their rehearsal space. I loved what I was hearing and after going through a bunch of songs we had dinner at a Japanese restaurant where we talked about all kinds of stuff.

I went home and their manager called and we hammered out a plan where I would record them at Reflection in Charlotte (where I had recorded the REM records) with Butch helping. I liked the sound of the demos he’d done and the band trusted him and wanted him there, too. We booked some time.

I left the negotiations to my manager who asked for an advance that seemed fine to the record company but too large for the band. By the time I got wind that things were going wrong, it was too late. I was a greedy ass in the eyes of the band and they were right. I tried let them know that I liked what they were doing enough to do it for what ever they wanted to pay but the damage was done.

What would’ve been different if I’d done the record? You never know for sure but probably not much. It’s a very effective record and I can’t imagine that I would have improved it. Maybe I would’ve done something that made it less commercial and they wouldn’t have been as successful and that would’ve changed things but like I said, you neve