At this point I had always pictured my husband smiling, hugging me, and saying something along the lines of being a daddy. Oh that did not happen! He actually didn't say much to me for about an hour. We were both shocked because it was not planned and I was going to begin birth control after this cycle and we were not given that chance.

The next day we went to the doctor together where we took another test and were guaranteed we were having a baby. After we left is when we started the phone calls. We both have come to the realization we are going to be parents and things are well now. I am convinced both of our reactions were purely from shock!

The motorcycle is up for sale (it was totally Tom's idea) and we are trying to figure out what the heck we are going to do in March-June during the school year. We have plenty of time to figure all that out and right now we are just talking names :)

تعليقاً علي حب ٍ عابر ٍ

شعر : أشرف العناني

- 1 -

تحت الطاولة قدم ٌ تفكر في الرحيل

بينما تكافئ حافة الكوب شفتين جنسيتين

بقليل من خليط الفواكه :

جميلة ُ يا بنت الحرام

وأنت تكحلين بنات الشارع بأسود الغيرة ،

وأعرف أن الذاكرة لعبة أعصاب ٍ فقط

لذا وحدهم العشاق يتركون أسماء سابقيهم

محفورة ً في لحاء الأشجار البعيدة .

-2-

ببساطة تماديك ِ

وطيش صمتي

تخسر شمعة ٌ أخرى أعمار الدموع ,

تصوري :

طائر ٌ سعيد ٌ يحجل

ثم ينفش ريشه ُ

هناك ...

في مكان خالد يفصل بيننا

-3-

كلما فقدت الأمل في لقائك ِ

كان هديل ٌ يواعد ذكر الحمام ،

لأشك في صمت ٍ أقل

-4-

ورع ٌفي الشفة السفلى

جبين ُ هو الحقيقة والظنون

عيناكِ ومراكب سكرانة ُ :

اليد الدليلة تميتني

ثم تحْبك ُ أسرارك ِ

-5-

عندما تتبدد أسطورة يدك ِ

وأملك أن أراها دون وميضها المتقطع ؛

خريطة ً لامبالية ً لذكريات ٍ سهلة الهضم

يمكنني أن أثبّت في مركز نظرتي ،

في مركز لقائنا العابر ،

طوقا ً يلمع حول سبابتك اليمنى

ويحافظ على مسافة ثابتة بين مقعدينا .

-6-

كلمات العزاء وحدها تتقاطع

-7-

أبعد من أن تبدو كثوان ٍ معدودات

كسر ٌ هادئ ٌ صباح الخميس

كان الذي يتباطأ

يمتصّ

وكنت – أذكر – أعانق في عينيك ِ قرابة ً

من نوع ٍ خاص

قبل أن يختفي وجهك ِ بلا إشارة ٍ

مثلما ظهر – تقريبا ً – بلا شفتين

honey vhonn and I started to buy few things of our baby.

from the moment we came to know from my OB the gender of our baby, we are even more excited and thrilled to buy our baby's things...

oohh la la...there's a BIG sale at BABYSHOP til May 10, 2008

we bought few things only as they told not to buy too much clothes as he won't use it that long...

click here for the pictures wink*

http://vhonnjheng.multiply.com/photos/album/50/babyshop...
more pictures coming...

in a few more months, our baby vhonn - jheng will be born.

daddy vhonn is getting more and more excited everyday.  on the other hand, mommy jheng is getting more and more makulit.

our baby - 9weeks and 5days

"Npanaginipan ko n c baby hehehe pnapliguan ko daw cya at umiiyak cya"

The whole day, i cannot count how many times he called me in the office and gave me some names for our baby boy.  Until in the evening, he was infront of his laptop searching for some names. 

Some names he found were:

* LANCE CHESTER

* RYAN JOSEPH

* VAUGHN CHESTER

* LANCE VHONN

* LANCE ERICSSON

* LANCE TRISTAN

* VON TRISTAN

* TRISTAN

* RYAN TRISTAN

well, i cannot decide yet...hehehe i cannot explain his excitement 

we love you daddy mwuah*

زياد أشرف العناني

نحن نرفع شعار حقوق الإنسان , نتضرر عندما نسمع عن انتهاكات لحقوق الإنسان هنا أو هناك ، نرفع أصواتنا ضد هؤلاء الذين يمارسون أساليب التعذيب البدنية ضد معارضيهم ، لكننا بالفعل لم نسأل أنفسنا : ماذا نسمي العقاب البدني الذي نمارسه ضد أطفالنا ..

أنا بالفعل ضد العقاب البدني كأسلوب من أساليب التربية ولأنني أعيش في مجتمع بدوي ( البدوي الصريح نادراً ما يعاقب ابنه بدنياً ) فان ذلك ساعدني علي تنفيذ ما تعهدت به في بداية زواجي أن لا أعاقب أحداً من أولادي ، وهذا ما حدث بالفعل لكن كانت هناك حالات كان الخيار الوحيد فيها هو العقاب البدني ، كنت أقنع نفسي بالقول : لابد أن يفهم أن هناك ثواب وعقاب .. نعم لم يكن العقاب مبرحاً وغالباً ما كان ينتهي بمراضاته وإعطاءه الرسالة من وراء الضرب .. أيضاً كانت مرات جد قليلة ربما لا تتعدي أربع أو خمس مرات .. لكنني اليوم بالفعل تألمت .. تألمت كثيراً من ذلك الوضع وذلك لأن زياد قد وصل لمرحلة يعتبر فيها العقاب شكلاً من أشكال الاهانة له وليس نوعاً من العقاب علي خطأ .. أحسست ذلك في عينيه اللتين كانتا تلوماني بصمت وعطف بالفعل مزقاني وقهرا قلبي .. أكثر من ذلك لم يبك رغم أنني تماديت هذه المرة للحصول علي دموعه كي ينتهي عذابي قبل عذابه .. لكنه لم يرحني فقط ظل صامتاً رغم سني عمره التي لم تكمل الخمس .. ساعتها أدركت أن عليً أن أتوقف .. ضممته الي صدري فانفجر ببكاء ٍ مر ٍ وقاسٍ .. فضممته أكثر في حضني وتعهدت بيني وبين نفسي أن تكون تلك الأخيرة . وأتمنى أن يساعدني زياد ومهند وقبلهما الله سبحانه وتعالي في أن أفي بهذا العهد

مرة من المرات كنت بعد أعزباً وكنت أتناقش مع صديق – أحترمه - عن العقاب البدني ، أفضنا في الحديث الذي كان فيه اتفاق تام بيني وبينه علي كراهية العقاب البدني لكنه فوجئ بي أسأله :

- هل تضرب يارا

أذكر تأمل كف يده كثيراً ورد علي ّ

- مرات قليلة لكنها تدفعني لذلك

كنت أعرف أنه يحبها وأنها ربما أعز ما لديه في الحياة ، لكنني قرأت في لحظاته التي كنت قريباً منها أن ثمة ما يفلت الأعصاب ويفتح الباب أمام خيار وحيد هو العقاب البدني

أنا هنا أتكلم عن حالتين لشاعرين لديهما - علي الأقل - الحد الأدنى من معرفة معني ما هو الاهانة وما يمثله العقاب البدني بالنسبة لها من أداة وطريق وحيد

What bother us the most is next year when she will be 2 years old we still don't have any clue where to put her in school (We are planing to put her in school when she is 2 years old). We want to put her in a playgroup where she doesn't have to learn so much just learn how to make friends and socialize, play games, sing, just to have fun in her world and maybe in the school where she can learn to know her religion.

Some people said it is too early for her to go to school. Well, it is not school at all, it is just a place where she can learn making new friends. But some people just don't get it.

All we want for her is in her early age she can learn that social life is important and also how to learn to share with others. I know that she can learn it at home but unfortunately at home she can find only her grandma and grandpa. Better to take her once a while to meet new friends of her age.

Maybe we will put her only once a week, every Saturday so I can take her and accompany her outside the class of course. We think once e week is enough, some friends said if you put your child to school to early they might get bored of school. One day she will say : "I don't want to go to school anymore", then It will be another problem.

Well, we get nothing to loss in joining this event, if she wins (of course we wish she will win :)) we will be very-very happy but if she loose then it is not her luck and also it means that we need to make a better photo. 

Honestly speaking it is new experience for us, also in making a good photo, we have no idea if the picture is good or not, we just ask some friends' advices which one according to their opinion is the best picture. I wish for you my girl, I wish you can win.

The intention of joining this event is not that we want to exploit her for some money, we just think by joining this kind of event she may get some new friends and will help her to coordinate with many people so she will not be a shy girl.

I really want to show those photos in this blog but let's wait after the winner announcer in February 2008. If she does not win then I will show them. If she wins then it will publish in the magazine.

The party was held in Cantika's grandma's house. Her family didn't invite a lot of people only closes friends and family. It was a lot of fun, there were some games for the kids and everybody were laughing. It is the balloon games, they put the balloons in a big plastic poll and put some money (small numbers) in them and each kid took one balloon with their eyes closed and finally they pricked it. Everybody had a lot of fun. Also, the meal also was very good.

Naya came with out any gift to Cantika because she had gave her a bear doll on Sunday (2 days before her birthday) and it was not wrapped, So Sorry Cantika, we were in a rush and we also did not know that you will have a birthday party.

Anyway, Happy Birthday Cantika....We wish the best of Luck for you, long life and always in good health, also never forget to be a good girl for your family and friends.

Happy birthday baby girl!! We love you.

To get to the point.. My fiance is pregnant! We decided to take a couple home pregnancy tests after we realized that her last period was the beginning of October and it was the end of November. We used two FirstResponse tests, both of which came back with a positive result almost immediately! We were both (and still are) very excited!

I work a full-time job Monday through Friday, so it's hard for my fiance to get most places that she needs to be, but I found this one clinic that is open on Saturdays which was awesome because I wanted to be there with her for an official pregnancy test so that we can sign up for WIC and medicaide, since we're not the richest people in the world. Anyway, when we were pulling into the parking lot of the clinic, this one lady stops us and hands us a pamphlet about abortion and told us that the clinic that we were going to get the test done at mostly does abortions, and she referred us to a women's pregnancy clinic that does nothing but help pregnant women and the fathers get prepared for what is to come, it's awesome! If there are any pregnant women in Jacksonville, FL, I would absolutely advise you to call or to go to the "Woman's Help Center," located at 1519 Emerson St. Jacksonville, FL 32207. Not only do they help expecting woman and give free pregnancy tests(the place we were going to at first would have charged us 5 bucks), but they also help low-income families with baby clothes, maternity clothes, cribs and baby stuff and everything is free.. It takes alot off your mind and chest and makes expecting so much more exciting! Their phone number is 904-398-5143.

Pat, the lady that was working at the help center, gave us so much information about everything! She used a little pregnancy calculator to tell us how far along Dawn is, the aproximate expected due date (July 17, 2008!), she gave us a little figurine of what our baby should look like at 10 weeks (she's 6 weeks!), information and how to sign up for WIC, medicaide, and Florida Kid Care for after our baby is born! She was so nice and helpful!

Another thing Pat told us was that she has a friend who's a sonagram teacher and needs volunteers for her students to practice on.. So if we want to, we have the chance of seeing our baby's development every 2 weeks for free! Which is awesome because medicaide only covers 2 sonagrams throughout the entire pregnancy. We are so lucky we found Pat and the center!

We're hoping that we have a little girl!! We already have her name picked out: Zoe Arianna Moore. =) But if we have a little boy, we'll be just as happy! His name will either be Michael Bradley Moore or Brandon Michael Moore or Nathen Bradley Moore.. We haven't quite decided yet...

Her Father gave her name Nayla Aaliyah Fauzi, it is from Arabic, it means success, no. one and victory. We discribe it as Nayla for her successful life, Aaliyah for being no one child and Fauzi from his daddy.

God, it makes me cry everytime I remember her born. Cant believe that God gave us such a wonderful gift. It was a amazing !!!

Tara lagi nyoba makanan padat pertama... lagi disuapin bubur beras merah buatan bunda... nyam... nyam... enak ya nak?

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Pergi kerja as usual, took care of things in the office before taking my maternity leave that starts on Thursday (but planning to call in sick tomorrow :-p). I'm scheduled to have a c-section on March 3rd. Went home by taxi alone coz hubby is at Simatupang (hiks). Spent the evening studying for Business Law exam on Thursday.

At 10 PM I finally gave up studying and decided to sleep, being 9 months pregnant makes me sleepy. Then at 11 PM, I woke up and I felt like I'm leaking, got up of bed to go to the bathroom and felt more water coming through. Panickly woke my hubby and told him I think my water just broke. Luckily I've already packed some of my things in the suitcase. Threw more things into the suitcase. Stupidly debating with my hubby whether or not I need to change my pajamas into decent clothing. Woke my parents.

Finally at 11.30 we all went to the hospital. As soon as I got to the hospital I was examined to check whether it really is my water that broke. Ternyata bener. They also attached a device to monitor my baby's heart beat. Turns out that device is also used to monitor contractions. Pas liat chartnya, susternya bilang "udah kontraksi ya bu?" Halah... gak liat apa ini udah kesakitan dari tadi. Udah every 3 minutes gitu loh. And by the way, menurut gue sih sakitnya bukan mules ya... more like one of those really bad menstruation cramps.

Akhirnya si suster telpon dokter wahyu n perintah pak dokternya disuruh kasi IV to slow down the contractions dan pain killer. Operasi dimajuin jadi jam 5.45 pagi. Duh... asli tegang banget, sebelumnya udah tegang mo operasi, tapi kan yang kebayang masih ntar hari Sabtu operasinya. Ini kok jadi serba mendadak gini. Pas mo dimasukin jarum infusnya aja deg2an banget (my first time ever!), dan ternyata mayan sakit juga :(. Disuruh suster untuk tidur, dan diantara sakit2 kontraksi gue bisa juga tidur hehehe... Dudulsnya adalah kita khusus beli handycam untuk ngerekam proses kelahiran baby dan diantara kepanikan berangkat ke rs handycam dan kamera sih kebawa. Tapi dvd media perekamnya malah ketinggalan!

Untungnya karena operasi masih beberapa jam lagi, my parents decided to go back to the house to pick up some stuffs yang ketinggalan, termasuk si dvd itu. Setelah bokap nyokap balik lagi ke rs, mulai deh suamiku sibuk2 merekam segala sesuatunya.

Wednesday, February 28 2007

Pas lagi tidur2 ayam gitu, sekitar jam setengah 3, suster dateng dan bilang kalo operasinya dimajuin lagi jadi jam 4. Heartbeat udah langsung meroket, takuuuut banget. Sempet ilfil banget sama suamiku yang sibuk ngerekam2 dan komen2. Nyokap dan suamiku masih boleh nungguin di tempat tunggu sebelum masuk ke OR. Yang dateng duluan dokter anastesinya. Dan ketika gue mo didorong ke ruang operasi, hubby sempet ga boleh masuk sama susternya. Protes dong.. kan dulu dokter wahyu bilang boleh ditungguin suami. Akhirnya susternya bilang tunggu dokter deh.

Masuklah gue sendiri ke ruang OR. Syerem booo... Takut banget kalo suntik spinalnya sakit banget (I've heard and read that it really hurts), sampe2 pas disuruh duduk dengan posisi meluk bantal sebelum disuntik I was shaking so badly. Dan.. ternyata it didn't hurt that much, agak ngilu aja dikit. Alhamdulillah deh.. dokternya jago juga. Pasang kateter juga salah satu hal yang gue takutin, untungnya ternyata pasang kateternya pas udah dibius spinal, so I didn't feel a thing. Dibius itu rasanya, mula2 kaki semutan gitu terus they started to feel numb. Gue tuh parno banget takut kalo anastesinya ngaco, misalnya jadi ga bisa ngomong apa2 tapi bisa ngerasain sakit, atau masih kerasa sakit ketika mulai operasi (again, I've read about these cases lho) jadinya waktu they start swabbing and i can still feel something i panicked and told the doctor "dok kok saya masih kerasa ya?" Dokternya nyuruh coba angkat kaki, ternyata i couldn't do it hehe okay so ternyata anastesinya bekerja dengan baik kok. Habis itu dokter wahyu dateng, dan gue pun nanyain ke dia suami boleh masuk nggak. Dia bilang "boleh-boleh.. (dengan style tenangnya itu) tapi ntar, sekarang kan masih di prep, jelek ntar kelihatannya". Dan ketika gue noleh ke kanan, i can see my reflection, yup memang nyeremin, lagi dipoles2 betadine gitu. Made a mental note to self not to look right during the operation, males lah ya ngeliat diri sendiri di belek2. Anyway, afterwards gue nggak terlalu inget lagi sampe they gave me my baby, nggak terlalu ngeh juga sebenernya, somehow I'm so drowsy eventhough harusnya anastesinya kan lokal. Habis itu nggak inget apa-apa lagi. Bangun-bangun dah di ruang pemulihan, dijenguk satu-satu sama hubby, mum n dad. Terus baby dibawa ke ruang pemulihan untuk disusuin. Baru deh ngeliatan mukanya baby ku dengan lebih jelas walaupun masih rada-rada lieur gitu.

Ternyata setelah nonton hasil recordingnya suami ku, mulai dari first incision sampe babynya keluar cuma butuh waktu 3 menit saja. Dokter wahyu pake ngasih aba-aba "Go" gitu pula. Begitu keluar dan dijungkirin, babynya langsung nangis dan dibersih-bersihin sama dsa nya. Warnanya langsung berubah dari biru-pucet gitu jadi merah (Apgar test nya Tara nilainya 9 loh :D ) Suamiku sempet juga nge shoot dikit proses pengeluaran plasenta tapi terus dia disuruh ngikutin babynya sama dokter. Ngeliatin babynya diukur-ukur (berat 3150 gr dan panjang 47 cm) terus di adzanin deh (ini juga berhasil dia rekam sendiri, handycamnya ditaro di meja dan pas aja gitu angle nge shootnya, canggih juga dia heheh).

Well.. begitulah proses kelahiran our beautiful princess, her name is Tara Divya Adara Rizal, artinya the beautiful and bright star from Rizal family (amiin).

Setelah lahiran, malemnya gue sempet menggigil parah dan disusul dengan panas tinggi selama beberapa hari. Untungnya bukan apa-apa cuma gue memang lagi flu dan daya tahan tubuh post-op kan menurun, jadilah panas. Diobatinnya cukup diinfus cairan yang banyak dan dikasi parasetamol. Salut sama dokter Wahyu, karena gue gak terlalu kesakitan pasca seksio. Padahal yang pake pain killer keras cuma 2 hari pertama, berikutnya cuma dikasi pain killer oral. Hari ketiga gue dah bisa jalan2 ke ruang bayi walaupun masih sakit kalo batuk. Mayan bangetlah dibandingin pengalaman orang-orang yang bisa berbulan-bulan masih kerasa sakit.

Sekarang Tara udah 1 bulan umurnya, udah akikahan, udah bisa ngeluarin bunyi-bunyian "nge.." dan "ah.." Senengnya tidur dipelukan bundanya, kalo ditaro di crib baru bentar udah nangis lagi. Sekarang sih ditengkurepin kalo siang biar bisa tidur lebih tenang gak keganggu moro refleksnya yang sering itu. Selain itu Tara sering cegukan. Kalo mau minum susu heboh sendiri, nyari-nyari di tempat yang salah hehehe. Tara nggak termasuk anak yang rewel sih, tapi she's definitely not a text book baby, forget about the 2 hour feeding schedule. Dia kadang-kadang tiap jam udah pengen minum lagi. Tapi kalo malam kadang-kadang the feeding schedule stretch to 3 - 4 hours. Jadi urutannya minum, bobo di pelukan, ditaro di crib bentar, mulai ngeluarin bunyi-bunyi mo nangis, pipis plus pup kadang-kadang, terus minum lagi deh... Untung udah siap popok 3 lusin :D Kalo malem mulai jam 9-an sih udah ganti pampers, kalo ngga bisa-bisa ga tidur semaleman :-p

Me? I'm starting to get the hang of motherhood (dikiiitt..) tapi at least better than the first days. Inget banget dulu, pulang dari RS hari Minggu, udah mo ditinggal sendirian di rumah hari Seninnya. Waduh.. nangis-nangis gue, stres berat, maklum, sebagai anak pertama dan yang paling tua amongst my cousins, gue sama sekali belom pernah berinteraksi sama baby. Mana ASI baru keluar dikit hiks. Akhirnya memaksa nyokap untuk stay at home hari Senin itu.

Sekarang sih udah bisa manage lebih baik (terbukti dengan udah bisanya gue online, nonton dvd dan nulis blog hehe). Peran suami tuh penting banget emang to support the wife. Kalo gak dibantuin bangun malem-malem, tepar juga gue. Ayahnya Tara sekarang juga dah pinter gendong, senengnya ngajak main Tara, tapi kalo Tara pipis atau pup pasti dioper ke bundanya hehee. Aa juga jagain Tara kalo gue kuliah, bertugas untuk memposisikan Tara kalo dia mo minum dan miringin badannya Tara kalo malem-malem dia bangun minta minum.

Ohya, for those planning on having a c section, I do recommend dokter Wahyu, selain ga terlalu lama sakitnya (gue udah mulai kuliah lagi di minggu kedua habis lahiran), jahitannya juga bagus, ga keliatan, cuma ada garis tipis aja below the bikini line.

Segitu dulu aja deh updatenya, ntar kalo sempet tulis2 lagi. Udah kangen nih sama Tara :D

Around 5:30 PM finally we can go inside and met our doctor and for the first time we can hear our baby's heart beat.. Wow what a fast heart beat that I've ever heard and you know what... it's getting closer for us to have a baby.. How marvelous is that. There is no USG this time what a pity because I want to see my baby... hiks... but the doctor told us to have a 4D USG at YPK on September 30.

Hopefully we can find out our baby's sex at that time, though it doesn't really matter for me whether it's going to be a boy or a girl as long as the baby is healthy and have no problem at all. Insya Allah.

Dulu waktu dia masih umur 1 or 2 months, eyangnya bilang, pertumbuhan anak itu pasti cepet, tau2 gak terasa udah setaun aja. Ternyata bener, gak terasa emang tau2 Rafie udah 6 bulan. Bentar lagi udah mo duduk dikursi makan, mam bubur, tumbuh gigi, maen di walker...

mmhhh... semoga mommy, gak terlalu sibuk di kantor sampe ngelewatin itu semua ya sayang :D